The not-so-great Texas gubernatorial debate
AUSTIN, Texas -- I sacrificed an hour Friday evening to watch the Texas gubernatorial debate on your behalf, since I knew none of you would do it. Democrat Chris Bell looked and sounded like the only candidate who won't embarrass the state -- he was intelligent, well informed and even funny. But the question remains: Can Texas afford to lose that hair?
The Coiffure was in his usual form. As one opponent after another attacked his record, Gov. Rick Perry stood there proudly behind that 35 percent voter support he has so richly earned and simply disagreed. The Coiffure seemed to consider blanket denials a fully sufficient and adequate response.
The Coiffure was in his usual form. As one opponent after another attacked his record, Gov. Rick Perry stood there proudly behind that 35 percent voter support he has so richly earned and simply disagreed. The Coiffure seemed to consider blanket denials a fully sufficient and adequate response.
The genius of John Nichols
With "The Genius of Impeachment: The Founders' Cure for Royalism," John Nichols has produced a masterpiece that should be required reading in every high school and college in the United States. Unlike several recently published books, this is not an argument for impeaching Bush, not a list of charges, not a rough draft of articles of impeachment. Rather, "Genius" is a history and portrait of the practice of impeachment, a practice that has been used far longer, far more often, and with far greater importance than most of us imagine.
Nichols makes an overwhelming case that the regular use of impeachment is necessary for the survival of our constitutional government, that impeachment proceedings usually have beneficial consequences even if unsuccessful, that promotion of impeachment is not nearly as politically risky as is failure to do so when it is merited, that a move to impeach Bush in the U.S. House would be greeted with enthusiastic public support, and that failure to impeach Bush would contribute to an ongoing dangerous expansion of executive power from which our system of government might not recover.
Nichols makes an overwhelming case that the regular use of impeachment is necessary for the survival of our constitutional government, that impeachment proceedings usually have beneficial consequences even if unsuccessful, that promotion of impeachment is not nearly as politically risky as is failure to do so when it is merited, that a move to impeach Bush in the U.S. House would be greeted with enthusiastic public support, and that failure to impeach Bush would contribute to an ongoing dangerous expansion of executive power from which our system of government might not recover.
Orgasms and wargasms
Sex scandals, at least in societies dominated by guilt-sodden
Protestants, fulfill the therapeutic function usually
attributed to pleasant or exciting sex: exploration of
intimate areas of political life, surfacing "issues" normally
repressed. America can't talk about Iraq, where Americans boys
are raping 14-year-old girls and shooting families at close
range, can't talk about torture, so instead we focus on what
former Republican Rep. Mark Foley wrote to a page about boxer
shorts and their contents. What's the other option? Pack a
tube of sex lubricant, holster up, grab a box of ammo and head
for an Amish schoolhouse.
Here's Foley (code-named Maf54) in instant message mode in April 2003:
Maf54: I miss you
Teen: ya me too
Maf54: we are still voting
Maf54: you miss me too
The two of them then -- so say the transcribers at ABC News -- "appear to describe having sexual orgasms."
Maf54: ok .i better go vote..did you know you would have this effect on me
Teen: lol I guessed
Here's Foley (code-named Maf54) in instant message mode in April 2003:
Maf54: I miss you
Teen: ya me too
Maf54: we are still voting
Maf54: you miss me too
The two of them then -- so say the transcribers at ABC News -- "appear to describe having sexual orgasms."
Maf54: ok .i better go vote..did you know you would have this effect on me
Teen: lol I guessed
Where there's war, there's Kissinger
AUSTIN, Texas -- The Old War Criminal is back. I try not to
hold grudges, but I must admit I have never lost one ounce of
rancor toward Henry Kissinger, that cynical, slithery,
self-absorbed pathological liar. He has all the loyalty and
principle of Charles Talleyrand, whom Napoleon described as "a
piece of dung in a silk stocking."
Come to think of it, Talleyrand looks pretty good compared to Kissinger, who always aspired to be Metternich (a 19th century Austrian diplomat). Just count the number of Americans and Vietnamese who died between 1969 and 1973, and see if you can find any indication he ever gave a damn.
As for Kissinger's getting the Nobel Peace Prize, it is a thing so wrong it has come to define wrongness -- as in, "As weird as the time Henry Kissinger got the Nobel Peace Prize."
Tom Lehrer, who was a lovely political satirist, gave up satire after that blow.
The War Criminal's return is the only piece of news I have yet found in Bob Woodward's new book, and what amazes me is the reaction to the work. Gosh, gasp, imagine, Woodward says the war's a disaster!
Come to think of it, Talleyrand looks pretty good compared to Kissinger, who always aspired to be Metternich (a 19th century Austrian diplomat). Just count the number of Americans and Vietnamese who died between 1969 and 1973, and see if you can find any indication he ever gave a damn.
As for Kissinger's getting the Nobel Peace Prize, it is a thing so wrong it has come to define wrongness -- as in, "As weird as the time Henry Kissinger got the Nobel Peace Prize."
Tom Lehrer, who was a lovely political satirist, gave up satire after that blow.
The War Criminal's return is the only piece of news I have yet found in Bob Woodward's new book, and what amazes me is the reaction to the work. Gosh, gasp, imagine, Woodward says the war's a disaster!
Ring the bell for a Texas Democrat
AUSTIN, Texas -- Chris Bell for governor! I know, I know, it's stop the presses, Ivins favors Democrat! But the Kinky Friedman candidacy is worn thin and no fun. Besides, we actually have a good chance to get Rick Perry out of office. After six years in office, the Coiffure is so little loved he's pulling only 35 percent of likely voters. He gets another four years, I don't think we'll have a public school system left -- he really does intend to destroy it, at far-right GOP donor Jim Leininger's bidding, you know. We may never again get a chance to do our state such a great service. This could be the Alamo of elections.
For those, like me, who believe in music and laughter in politics, Kinky Friedman appeared to be a natural -- and besides, how hard can it be?
It turns out, a little harder than Kinky is willing to make an effort to go. In an excruciating interview with the Dallas Morning News, Friedman not only got about half his facts wrong (this is why we accuse Bush of misleading people), but also demonstrated that he does not understand school finance or taxes, nor does he have any intention of trying to do so.
For those, like me, who believe in music and laughter in politics, Kinky Friedman appeared to be a natural -- and besides, how hard can it be?
It turns out, a little harder than Kinky is willing to make an effort to go. In an excruciating interview with the Dallas Morning News, Friedman not only got about half his facts wrong (this is why we accuse Bush of misleading people), but also demonstrated that he does not understand school finance or taxes, nor does he have any intention of trying to do so.
Mommy, what's waterboarding?
Remember the great harm done to the moral core of our nation when, according to the excited news reports following Kenneth Starr's great work in life, children were asking their parents what oral sex was? Neither do I. But children can now ask their parents what torture is, how waterboarding works, and when exactly torture is a good thing. "Mommy, we're going to play enemy combatant. Can I have some pliers to pull out Geoffrey's fingernails?"
Can I just say, to the Representatives and Senators who just voted to overturn (or allow George Bush to "interpret") the Geneva Conventions and half the Bill of Rights – and I say this as mildly as I know how – WAKE THE HELL UPYOU COMPLICIT FASCIST MORONS; BUSH HAS CAMPS PLANNED FOR SOME OF YOU, AND DANTE HAS A CIRCLE RESERVED FOR THE REST. Oh, and one more thing: oral sex feels GOOD. Torture HURTS LIKE HELL. Got it? The world needs more sex, less sadism. What exactly are you unclear on?
Can I just say, to the Representatives and Senators who just voted to overturn (or allow George Bush to "interpret") the Geneva Conventions and half the Bill of Rights – and I say this as mildly as I know how – WAKE THE HELL UPYOU COMPLICIT FASCIST MORONS; BUSH HAS CAMPS PLANNED FOR SOME OF YOU, AND DANTE HAS A CIRCLE RESERVED FOR THE REST. Oh, and one more thing: oral sex feels GOOD. Torture HURTS LIKE HELL. Got it? The world needs more sex, less sadism. What exactly are you unclear on?
The decline of the left
The world is in tumult, but here in the heart of Empire, the level of creative political energy runs flat along the bottom of the graph. As Iraq disintegrates amid frightful slaughter, U.S. generals propose to bring to life the mad plan they once ascribed to Saddam Hussein, to dig a defensive ditch round Baghdad, one of the larger cities on the planet. In Afghanistan, the Taliban are once again on the rise. Amid these vivid implosions of the "war on terror," the U.S. antiwar movement is near dead.
Here in the homeland, the mightiest names of the auto-industrial age have their backs to the wall. Tens of thousands of men and women face grim times as Ford and GM shutter plant after plant. Yet the pulse of organized labor amid this devastation is feeble. From the environmental movement there is an even fainter heartbeat, even as an actual conspiracy -- official concealment of the toxic toll on New Yorkers from the 9/11 attack -- finally comes to light. There's no convincing energy plan beyond posturing about a nature reserve in Alaska; no protest at the giveaways of public lands.
Here in the homeland, the mightiest names of the auto-industrial age have their backs to the wall. Tens of thousands of men and women face grim times as Ford and GM shutter plant after plant. Yet the pulse of organized labor amid this devastation is feeble. From the environmental movement there is an even fainter heartbeat, even as an actual conspiracy -- official concealment of the toxic toll on New Yorkers from the 9/11 attack -- finally comes to light. There's no convincing energy plan beyond posturing about a nature reserve in Alaska; no protest at the giveaways of public lands.
This cannot be
New, from the I-hate-government crowd: mandatory voter ID!
The last time fiscal and moral folly merged so shamelessly with political opportunism, we invaded Iraq.
The primary question in my mind, as I ponder the latest assault on rationality to emanate from our GOP-controlled Congress (how much longer, Lord?), is to what extent these radicals believe they're doing the right thing - as they set about methodically circumventing the principles that define who we are as a nation - and to what extent they're just cynically serving their short-term interests. Or has that line simply vanished?
HR 4844, which passed the House along party lines last week, is, unfortunately, more than just sputter and bluster about the peril of illegal aliens invading our voting booths, i.e., another piece of fantasy legislation to "protect" Americans from one more right-wing bugbear, like smoldering flags and gay wedding cakes.
The last time fiscal and moral folly merged so shamelessly with political opportunism, we invaded Iraq.
The primary question in my mind, as I ponder the latest assault on rationality to emanate from our GOP-controlled Congress (how much longer, Lord?), is to what extent these radicals believe they're doing the right thing - as they set about methodically circumventing the principles that define who we are as a nation - and to what extent they're just cynically serving their short-term interests. Or has that line simply vanished?
HR 4844, which passed the House along party lines last week, is, unfortunately, more than just sputter and bluster about the peril of illegal aliens invading our voting booths, i.e., another piece of fantasy legislation to "protect" Americans from one more right-wing bugbear, like smoldering flags and gay wedding cakes.
Beyond the pale
AUSTIN, Texas -- Oh dear. I'm sure he didn't mean it. In Illinois' 6th Congressional District, long represented by Henry Hyde, Republican candidate Peter Roskam accused his Democratic opponent Tammy Duckworth of planning to "cut and run" on Iraq.
Duckworth is a former Army major and chopper pilot, who lost both legs in Iraq after her helicopter got hit by an RPG. "I just could not believe he would say that to me," said Duckworth, who walks on artificial legs and uses a cane. Every election cycle produces some wincers, but how do you apologize for that one?
The legislative equivalent of that remark is the detainee bill, now being passed by Congress. Beloveds, this is so much worse than even that pathetic deal reached last Thursday between the White House and Republican Sens. Warner, McCain and Graham. The White House has since reinserted a number of "technical fixes" that were the point of the putative "compromise." It leaves the president with the power to decide who is an enemy combatant.
Duckworth is a former Army major and chopper pilot, who lost both legs in Iraq after her helicopter got hit by an RPG. "I just could not believe he would say that to me," said Duckworth, who walks on artificial legs and uses a cane. Every election cycle produces some wincers, but how do you apologize for that one?
The legislative equivalent of that remark is the detainee bill, now being passed by Congress. Beloveds, this is so much worse than even that pathetic deal reached last Thursday between the White House and Republican Sens. Warner, McCain and Graham. The White House has since reinserted a number of "technical fixes" that were the point of the putative "compromise." It leaves the president with the power to decide who is an enemy combatant.
New news is bad news
AUSTIN, Texas -- Noshing on the news ...
-- The National Intelligence Estimate, agreed upon by 16 Bush-controlled spy services within the U.S. government, says the war in Iraq is making the war on terrorism harder and worse. It gives the phrase "leaking intelligence" a new meaning (a line not original with me).
We've been having a debate in this country about whether to continue the war -- or "the comma," as the president calls it -- until it has become a semi-colon. Now, the debate is over, and what we need to discuss is the best way out. This war is not a goddamn comma.
-- According to The Associated Press, the directors of the Legal Services Corp., a program for poor people, have been trying to get rid of their inspector general, who has clocked them for, among other things, expensive meals, using limousine services and wasting money on a ritzy headquarters.
-- The National Intelligence Estimate, agreed upon by 16 Bush-controlled spy services within the U.S. government, says the war in Iraq is making the war on terrorism harder and worse. It gives the phrase "leaking intelligence" a new meaning (a line not original with me).
We've been having a debate in this country about whether to continue the war -- or "the comma," as the president calls it -- until it has become a semi-colon. Now, the debate is over, and what we need to discuss is the best way out. This war is not a goddamn comma.
-- According to The Associated Press, the directors of the Legal Services Corp., a program for poor people, have been trying to get rid of their inspector general, who has clocked them for, among other things, expensive meals, using limousine services and wasting money on a ritzy headquarters.