Op-Ed

When I hear pundits warn that Iraq is becoming a “quagmire,” I wince.

     “Quagmire” is a word made famous during the Vietnam War. The current conflict in Iraq comes out of a very different history, but there are some chilling parallels. One of them has scarcely been mentioned: These days, the editorial positions of major U.S. newspapers have an echo like a dirge.

     Of course, the nation’s mainstream press does not speak with a monolithic editorial voice. At one end of the limited spectrum, the strident and influential Wall Street Journal cannot abide any doubts. Its editorials explain, tirelessly, that the war was Good and the occupation is Good -- and those who doubt are fools and knaves. (LBJ called such dissenters “Nervous Nellies.”)

AUSTIN, Texas -- It is insufficient to stand around saying, "I told you Iraq would be a disaster." Believe me, saying, "I told you so" is a satisfaction so sour it will gag you when people, including Americans, are dying every day.

            I think our greatest strength is still pragmatism. OK, this isn't working, now what? In an effort to be constructive, even in the face of a developing catastrophe, I have been combing the public prints in an effort to find something positive to suggest.

If you run a lootocracy, you have no conception of sufficiency. You set up the rules to grab as much money as you can, as if you've won a supermarket shopping spree. You also concentrate power, the better to arrange the world for your benefit. Unchecked by modesty, satiety, or shame, you take all you can get away with. You loot until someone stops you.

The word lootocracy was originally coined to describe the corrupt cartels that have ruled and plundered countries like Nigeria, Kenya, and some of the former Soviet Republics. But with an amazingly small amount of national debate, George Bush is installing a more global and sophisticated version-one where those on top can do whatever they choose without the slightest constraints. Bush began his presidency by giving the wealthiest five percent of all Americans massive tax breaks of $75 billion a year. He paid for them in part by cutting child abuse prevention, community policing, Americorps, low-income childcare, health care, housing, and even support for military families. This spring he passed another round of cuts, $35 billion a year targeted overwhelmingly to the same lucky lootocrats.

A national media spotlight has focused on the battle between the Constitution of the United States and some religious fundamentalists who viewed themselves as angels of Montgomery. The removal of a big Ten Commandments monument from an Alabama courthouse on Wednesday was good news for people who prefer democracy to theocracy.

     But as the holy smoke clears, news outlets might want to consider the concepts that have endured on those chiseled tablets -- in the context of the media industry itself.

     Before proceeding with this column, I wish to inform any litigious corporation among ye that I will be utilizing quotations from the Ten Commandments for “fair use” purposes in accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107.

     Rupert Murdoch and News Corp. should note that while I do not have access to extensive financial and legal resources of the sort available to Al Franken and his publisher, I intend to defend myself fully against any claims that Fox News has a propriety interest in Exodus 20:1-17.

AUSTIN -- One problem I have with Arnold Schwarzenegger is that he looks like a condom stuffed with walnuts. I realize that is superficial, shallow and unbecoming to a semi-serious-minded liberal like myself, but there it is. The other is that he doesn't know what he's talking about when it comes to public policy.

The “Bulworth” movie -- with Warren Beatty playing a senator who begins to speak disturbing truths in the form of rap lyrics -- caused quite a stir when it came out five years ago. At the time, I wondered aloud in a column about what might happen if leading journalists followed that fictional example.

     I’m biased, but it seems to me that some of my lyrics have stood the test of time. For instance:

     DAN RATHER: “I like to tell the public how it pains me so -- to be more superficial and keep racking up the dough.”

     COKIE ROBERTS: “Born and bred in the pundit patch, I utter easy notions with great dispatch. Every spectrum has a center, every player has a price. If you want to stick my neck out, I have to say no dice.”

     BRIT HUME: “I love to tell you all the news on Fox TV. My boss man Rupert Murdoch is cool as he can be. He pays me piles of money for tilting to the right. And if you sound progressive, you’ll really get a fight.”

AUSTIN, Texas -- When in the midst of a Blame Typhoon, with charges and counter-charges being hurled in all directions, I find it most useful to consult those two polar stars of utter wrongheadedness, Tom DeLay and The Wall Street Journal's editorial page.

            Both good for a chuckle, and both perfect weathervanes for the wrong direction. When in doubt, Disagree with DeLay, And you'll be OK.

            The Journal, in addition to meretricious arguments, vast leaps over relevant stretches of fact and history, and an awesome ability to bend any reality to its preconceived ideological ends, also offers that touch of (SET ITAL) je ne sais quoi, (END ITAL) that ludicrous dogmatism that never fails to charm.

            AUSTIN, Texas -- It's the All-American Blame Game! A Finger-Pointing festival. A perfectly circular firing squad of, "Told you so." Bureaucrats perfecting their CYA moves. Politicians jumping on the opportunity to make points against the other guys. And so's your old man.

            U.S. officials quickly blamed a Canadian plant for touching off the mess. Mel Lastman, the clearly sleepless and exhausted mayor of Toronto, replied bitterly: "Tell me, have you ever heard the United States take blame for anything? This is no different."

            It would be a refreshing change, would it not, if somebody just stood up and said, "My fault."

            The early book has the great power outage of '03 beginning with FirstEnergy of Akron, Ohio.

            But there has been no shortage of warnings that the grid was elderly, frail, inadequate, could short out, would short out, should short out at any time.

Contrary to media cliches about “the silly season,” this is a time of very serious -- and probably catastrophic -- political maneuvers.

     From California to the U.N. building in New York City to the sweltering heat of Iraq, the deadly consequences of entrenched power are anything but humorous.

     Can you remember watching a movie when some calamity is happening on the screen, and laughter ripples across the darkened theater? You might wonder why people are chuckling at the grievous misfortunes of others. To comfortable viewers, a disaster can seem quite amusing.

     The market is hot for Hollywood extravaganzas that fill screens at multiplexes. The spectacles of high-tech weapons and cinematic bloodshed are experienced as just so much viewing pleasure. The unreality, we’re told, is just for diversion -- people understand the difference between movie posturing and the real world.

     But this summer, news outlets are agog with real-life versions of what could be called “Pulp Nonfiction.”

AUSTIN, Texas -- Hang in there, Texas Eleven. You are not forgotten.

            Gov. Goodhair Perry says the AWOL senators are holding up "issues of great importance to the people of Texas." That's funny. There has been one and only one item of business on the agenda for both special sessions called by the guv (at a cost of $1.7 million each): the crass rejiggering of congressional distric lines in order to elect more Republicans out of Texas. Using taxpayer money for partisan political purposes, period.

            Really Bad Idea of the Week: Attorney General John Ashcroft is now investigating judges. He is requiring prosecutors to report cases where the judge hands down sentences that are less than the federal guidelines suggest. This is part of a concerted effort by both Congress and the Justice Department (part of the executive branch) to pressure judges to follow rigid sentencing guidelines. When last consulted, the Constitution still said there are three co-equal branches of government -- the executive is not assigned to intimidate the judiciary.