Op-Ed

Many pundits are worried about the delay in finding out who will become the next occupant of the Oval Office. "That's probably the most crippling blow I've ever seen to a new president," David Gergen lamented on national television. Whoever the next chief executive turns out to be, he has "been denied or robbed of the romance that we have that we associate with the selection of a new president, the crowning of a new president."

For decades, Gergen has spun through the revolving door between government and media elites, working as an image-crafter for presidents and as a commentator for major news organizations. He understands vital dynamics of propaganda. So, it's no surprise that Gergen sounded distraught the other night when he declared: "There's always been an anointment process as we lift that figure up and put him up on a pedestal. There's no pedestal with this election."

AUSTIN, Texas -- In our continuing study of PBBUPs (People Behaving Badly Under Pressure), we are witnessing some outstanding performances -- and names are being written down. Many prominent citizens are about to lose their certification as adults. Psychologists, anthropologists and sociologists are all taking notes madly as the Bad Behavior Fiesta Bowl continues.

Here's an interesting example of how a D came to lose it completely because an R had only a loose grip. The Republican in question was Oklahoma Gov. Frank Keating, normally a placid fellow, who was on a Sunday chat show defending his team. They had arrived at the sore subject of the Republican riot at the Dade County Courthouse. (Let it be noted that this has not been certified as a riot -- so far, all we have is the appearance of a riot by some seriously hyperventilating Republicans.)

Keating suddenly blurted out that everything was fine until "the 27-inch-neck crowd" from Chicago showed up and convinced the commissioners to recount.

After a decade filled with round-the-clock media sensations, we finally ended up with one that's truly portentous. The post-election battle for the White House has stood in sharp contrast to countless ersatz stories that gained enormous coverage during the 1990s. The warfare between Al Gore and George W. Bush is certainly historic -- but this partisan version of a demolition derby may not be as profound as we think.

The sizzling media fixations of yesteryear now seem notably trivial. In retrospect, how would you rank the conflict between skaters Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan? All the obsessive and protracted O.J.-mania? The cable-TV-driven frenzy over little Elian?

After such breathless stories, the network anchors have been proud to report on the truly weighty spectacle of Gore and Bush operatives going all-out. But ironically, the "better" this story got -- the more that Democrats and Republicans clashed, litigated and spun at a frenetic pace -- the farther it moved from the essence of political leverage in America.

AUSTIN, Texas -- I'd say Jebbie Bush has a problem. Not that he didn't have one before, but now he is in a dill pickle.

The R's best strategy at this point is to make the hand recount process into the zoo that they have been claiming it is for two weeks. Chaos! Unleash the dogs of war! Contest every ballot! Foul it up past the deadline! Protest every dimpled, preggers, hanging, swinging, light-shining-through chad in the entire bunch!

Scream, yell and threaten myocardial infarction over any chad that lands on the floor, on the grounds that it clearly constitutes electoral fraud -- and besides, someone might eat it!

Florida Gov. Jeb Bush's problem with this strategy is that it would rather clearly indicate that his state is so loopy that it can't conduct a simple hand recount. This whole thing is a public relations disaster for Florida, which has now eclipsed, temporarily, both Texas and California as the most bonkers place in the nation.

AUSTIN, Texas -- OK, everybody, you know the law. If you don't vote, you can't complain. So get out and do it.

Voting whitens your teeth and sweetens your breath, and people who vote have better sex lives. This has been extensively studied, and all the researchers agree. However, there are also new studies strongly suggesting a causal link between voting and weight loss. Yes, going to the polls is more effective than dieting.

Besides, this thing is tighter than a tick -- I mean, your vote COULD make the difference. Honest to Pete, this is historic.

You may wonder why I am trying to inveigle you into participating in what we laughingly refer to as the democratic process. I know all the arguments against it. Don't vote -- it only encourages them. If the gods had meant for people to vote, they would have given us candidates. What is this geekfest? They're all lying. If I actually vote for one of them, won't I be responsible for what happens?

In regard to that last question, the answer is "no" -- you can only be held legally responsible for the government of the United States if you DON'T vote.

AUSTIN, Texas -- Now they're eating the chad! For all I know, they're eating pregnant chad! Call the right-to-life folks! Call the cruelty-to-animals people! I heard it on talk radio, so it must be true. Those people will stop at nothing!

Actually, I didn't quite catch which side is into scarfing chad with salt and ketchup, but whoever it is, you know they'll stop at nothing.

I vote the Republicans the winners in this weekend's Huffy, Self-Righteous Indignation Fiesta Bowl. They were much more indignant about the number of military ballots that got thrown out (presumably favoring their man, George W. Bush) and so managed to imply that all Democrats are (a) anti-military, and (b) unpatriotic, and (c) would cheerfully send Our Young People off to risk their lives while denying them the right to vote.

The D's were reduced to plaintively pointing out Who Went to Vietnam and Who Didn't, but after milking that one for years, the R's now declare that it doesn't count. Hey, even Bill Clinton got to Vietnam over the weekend.

AUSTIN, Texas -- In May 1957, one of the ugliest times in Texas history, the Legislature was debating a long series of bills designed to reinforce the legal structure of segregation.

Henry B. Gonzalez opposed the bills for 22 hours straight -- still the record in the Texas Senate. Ronnie Dugger of The Texas Observer reported:

"A tall Latin man in a light blue suit and white shoes and yellow handkerchief was pacing around his desk on the Senate floor. It was eight o'clock in the morning. An old Negro was brushing off the soft senatorial carpet in front of the president's rostrum. Up in the gallery, a white man stood with his back to the chamber, studying a panel of pictures of an earlier Senate. The Latin man was orating and gesturing in a full flood of energy, not like a man who had been talking to almost nobody for three hours and had another day and night to go.

AUSTIN, Texas -- Here's the challenge: Let's everybody with a dog in this fight -- meaning either pro-Gore or pro-Bush -- be obliged to make the case for the other side for at least 15 minutes.

Because I think we're watching something important, quite aside from the fate of the nation and the future of The World's Greatest Democracy (except for Florida).

In a mild and in some ways not terribly important case (I may have to eat those words), we're watching why wars start. What we see is the constant presentation -- because the media love to polarize -- of people who are apparently incapable of imagining what the situation looks like from somebody else's point of view.

Is it a lack of empathy, sympathy, imagination? A few years ago, James Carville, the Democratic consultant, wrote a book called We're Right, They're Wrong, which is a great title. Since I don't believe in objectivity -- I think that poor Al Gore won this election fair and square and that the Bushies are trying to spin their way into the White House -- I'm not trying to split the difference here, as in, "You know, they could both be right." Possible, but highly unlikely.

AUSTIN -- Bliss it was in that very dawn to be alive. Of course, we all need to behave like grown-ups -- the fate of democracy, great principles and all the money that these people have spent are at stake here. But this episode also has the virtue of being incredibly entertaining, thus providing us with national drama headed for the history books.

Jokes are flying on the Internet. Ehud Barak and Yasser Arafat have offered to mediate the election for us. Slobodan Milosevic called to suggest that Palm Beach County become an independent republic of Serbia. The late-night comics are in heaven.

The political high road is clear, for at least a while. Of course, Al Gore's camp was entitled to demand a recount in Florida. The race was so tight that the recount was triggered automatically under state law anyway. For George W. Bush's camp to sigh impatiently and pretend that the D's are out of line is ridiculous.

A few hours before dawn, the nation's TV networks foisted their second outrageous blunder of the night on the American people. After "calling" the state of Florida for Al Gore earlier in the evening, the same networks announced that George W. Bush had won Florida -- and the White House. With a typical flourish, NBC anchor Tom Brokaw declared: "George Bush is the president-elect of the United States."

But before the sun rose on the East Coast, the networks were correcting themselves again, acknowledging that Florida was too close to call. By then, the arrogance of the television networks had compounded a distressing specter: The Electoral College might end up giving the presidency to someone who came in second in the country's popular vote.

Twenty-four hours after the polls closed across America, the reporters and commentators on the airwaves and cable channels seemed to be reeling from the succession of extraordinary events. Surely, millions of Americans were also stunned, as if the previous long night had been a vivid and protracted bad dream.